Embracing our mistakes.
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.”
— From Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
Newsflash . . . I literally, physically, psychologically, spiritually, cannot be different than I am at this moment. And am I perfect at this moment? Well if you know me, we can have a chuckle together here because it’s clear that I am not. Am I a person who is constantly engaged in my own growth process and personal exploration? Absolutely. Am I working on being more clear, more settled, more honest and authentic? You bet. But am I perfect right now? Nope. Will I ever be? Nope. And is that ok? Yep. Yep it is. In fact, perhaps one of the reasons you might like me or feel connected to me is that I am human, just like you.
We are a wonderfully wacky bundle of strengths and blindspots, competencies and growth areas. And often, we humans find great connection and solace in being together in our vulnerability and imperfections. With practice we can also celebrate with each other in our strengths and brilliance, rather than feeling envy and judgment in the face of other peoples’ flourishing. Or the flip side of that, comparing yourself negatively.
I attended Cirque du Soleil™ last weekend with my sweet kiddos (with whom I am NOT a perfect parent, sigh). The thing that moved me the most was not the perfect execution of their CRAZY difficult acrobatics. Rather, it was the three times that a performer did not land or perfectly execute a stunt. I was moved at the moments when they failed. Because . . . get this! . . . you know what each performer did in that instance? They found their feet, they stood still for a beat, presumably to take a deep breath, and then they signaled to their team that they were ready to try again. They did not gloss over the mistake and move on as if it hadn’t happened. Nor did they run off stage in total despair. They found the ground beneath them, took a breath, and tried again.
My heart is swelling even as I write this because I am profoundly moved by the courage and tenacity of humans. For their willingness to dare to try and try and try again. When you watch a show or a performance, you connect with the honest, authentic, vulnerability of humans. And in doing so, you become even more desirous of their success.
Do you understand the importance of what I am saying here? Your friends, your loved ones, your therapist, the strangers you meet, (if they are emotionally mature enough), they are not WAITING for you to get it PERFECT. They are cheering you on and feeling moved by each tiny step you take towards being your more full true self.
As a therapist and yoga teacher, I am not waiting for my clients and students to “figure it out” or “do it right.” I am enamored with their willingness to try, despite enormous internal and external pressures that make it really scary and hard. Each tiny step forward moves me, and that moment when I can look back with a client or a student and see how these steps they’ve taken have added up to real change in their life . . . well . . . those moments are sure to move me to tears. (I’m such a crier! My heart just leaks out of my eyes all the time.) Because it’s just amazing isn’t it? It’s amazing that despite our concerns, worry over being judged, fear of failure, that we Just. Keep.Trying.
That afternoon at Cirque du Soleil™, when each of those performers that botched a stunt tried again they landed it! And the entire crowd erupted in a massive, collective, cheer of victory. I have chills as I write this. Those primal, powerful cheers were absolutely for those resilient performers. But perhaps the cheers were also for all of us humans. For when our trying and trying and redoing our mistakes turns into something incredible. For those moments of victory that are so big and bright that all the struggle that got us there finally makes good sense.
Cheers to you and to me and to all of the wonderful growing we get to do together.
With love,
Maria
This poem, a well loved favorite, makes for a sweet companion to this article.
Wild Geese
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”
― Mary Oliver
